Essay 2 Draft 2

Becoming a mother is a gift and was the biggest life changer for me. It taught me a lot of things. I learned to have patience, to be kind, and selfless. Becoming a mother changed me who I was as a person for the better. I was not a horrible person; I was a typical self-absorbed young adult who didn’t have their priorities straight. To me, there is nothing else compared to becoming a mother. Once I could finally hold my newborn daughter for the first time was one of the best feelings in the world. Caring and loving someone who is completely dependent on you can change a person.  

The day I found out I was pregnant is a day I will never forget. As I sat staring at the positive pregnancy test that was sitting on my porcelain bathroom countertop, I couldn’t control the knots rolling around my stomach and the cool clamminess sweat on the palms on my hands, even though the air was cool in the small bathroom. The vent above the door blew out cold air and left bumps along my arms but yet my hands sweat. I was afraid of becoming a mother. It scared me I wouldn’t know what to do. Thoughts kept spinning around my head, making me dizzy. What if I’m a bad mother? Who will take care of the baby when I’m at work or school? Will I have to drop out of school? I remember getting up and holding myself over my bathroom sink. I saw a stranger in the mirror that day. A stranger with puffy eyes and a tear-stained face. I had the support of my family and my boyfriend had reassured me time and time again that I was not alone. As I stared at the stranger in the mirror, I told myself I wasn’t alone and whatever I faced I had people who loved me on my side.

I knew becoming a mother wouldn’t be easy but gaining my confidence back I had planned. Jacob and I worked so much over those next eight months to save money. I knew having a baby would be costly, so I saved every penny I made. Most mornings I would walk up a 4:00 am to get ready for work. Jacob would get up with me even though he did not need to be up to get ready for work for four more hours. My body would feel heavy and my mind groggy from sleep. Right away, my stomach would bubble and turn with morning sickness. While I got ready for work, Jacob would grab a cold green can of ginger ale from the humming ivory refrigerator and would pull out two clear tall glasses from one of the walnut cabinets in our kitchen. He would pour the cool fizzy ginger ale in a glass and then would slowly pour the soda into the second glass. He would pour the soda back and forth until the bubbles seem to die down into the tall clear glass. He would do this every morning for me, not because I asked him to but because he knew the carbonation would worsen the bubbles already brewing in my stomach. The less carbonated ginger ale always seemed to help my stomach settle so I could nibble on a few saltine crackers before leaving.

I can recall the first time I held my daughter. The nurses had just given her her first bath before handing her to me. She was little and light in my arms. I remember her small pink face peeking out from her baby cap. She was tightly swaddled in a white, pink, and blue striped hospital blanket. As I held her close, I could hear her softly cooing. I could faintly smell the newborn baby smell that appears to closely smell the same of all babies. It is like the way puppies seem to all have the same faint puppy smell.

Being a mother isn’t always easy. I remember the late-night changes and feedings. Walking around like a zombie trying to stop the endless crying. The never-ending laundry from dirty onesies caused from spit up and leaky diapers. Never getting over two hours of sleep. Jacob would help with the diaper changes, but since I was nursing, he couldn’t help with the feedings.

My daughter will turn seven this November. She has since changed a lot these past seven years.  She is the average height for her age but is on the slender side. She has chocolate-brown hair with natural curls that lightly dusts her shoulders. Her face is round and warm. Her skin looks almost sun-kissed; a skin tone she inherited from her father. She has long dark lashes with bright brown eyes that shine and are always full of wonder and curiosity. When she smiles, her eyes crinkle just a bit as she gives a toothy grin with her front two teeth missing, one on top and one on the bottom. Her clothes are always fun and colorful but don’t always match. She always completes her outfit for the day with headband; sometimes it’s cat ears, other times a unicorn horn.

Being a mom is more than just giving birth. It’s the emotion you feel as you look at your child and feel the happiness and love you have for them swell in your chest. Motherhood has taught me so much about life, my husband, and myself. Once my life was all about me, but that changed when I became a mom and I couldn’t be happier. I may have given my daughter life, but she helped me find mine.